Portents Beren: So I guess I'll be losing you soon
I don't really know what to say
My heart is heavy and sullen, but
I don't think I ever knew you anyway
And as I think in bed at night
As I hold you while you sleep
I dream of springtime when we met
And the hope that I've lost, I weep
Little invisible tears that I choke down
Because I can't cry in front of you
Since I guess I don't believe in you any more
To be there for me to talk to
I don't know when I’m going to lose you
I don't really know what to say
My head hurts and my hands are tense, but
I know it'll happen some day
I took a walk today in the cool fall air
As nature prepared for its winter sleep
I remembered springtime when we met
And I try so hard not to keep
Thinking that death, though sad, is pleasant
Since life is a painful struggle at best
And everything I feel for you
In the eyes of God, is meaningless
I don’t know what I'll do when you're gone
I guess I don’t know what to say
I think I'll let my heart waste away, since
It does nothing good anyway
Maybe I'll pack up all my things
Quit my job and crawl back home
Or drink myself into oblivion
'Til I rest quietly in my tomb
And what will you do? I suppose
You’ll hate me, and in your spite
You’ll curse the day we’d ever met
And hope it hurts me, and be right.
(Written 10/13/95, apparently after some fight, which I did not record; this was six months before we got married)