abused me! whofeelslove: dear all
i moved from england to america well we settled into married life and worked to support our family.
then the sarcasm started from her in little ways and she had such a good way of talking that i always felt that it was me, we would have an argument started by an awful putdown by her and i was the one left saying sorry for how i behaved. at the time i was grieving for my mum and it took a toll on our relationship that i threatened to leave and go back to england a few times until she told me to goto a counsellor. i thought that this would help cement our relationship and make us stronger and it did for while.
she then started to have a kind of put down for me which went like this
'you always ruin things or good days) at the start i believed in it and would goto the ends of the earth to try to make up for what i thought i had done and yet at the same time would remember that a sarcastic comment would come from her a few minutes before which got me upset or angry and still i was the one who was saying sorry again..after 2 years of not seeing my familyi just started to shut down internally i felt like i hated myself and was the root cause of our unhappy marraige. i had no friends here yet her friends would convince her that she had gotten a bad man,yet here with her i was the uneasy unpredictable one who was treating her badly..yes i shouted at her and that was after sometimes horrible and awful putdowns by her. ( i didnt do the longdistance truck thingy and settled for a local driving job which i loved but the hours sucked lol) well we bought our house in january we got the house from her mum and it was/is a lovely house but then the problems started as i just wasnt happy there in that small town. some of my friends that visited from england commented on how mean her best friend was to me in MY OWN house!! by then my self esteem had just dissappeared and what ever she said i would just believe..now i was the mean one and the aggressor and she was the victim now apparently...well she wanted to buy this property a while after and i was not very keen on the idea as we had just applied for an home equity loan for paying off our debts,then she decided to ask a business owner out of the blue to go into business with her which the lady agreed(this happened without her asking me).this made me feel unworthy and low by then..well she went ahead and started to continue with it and would only tell me after she had goen ahead with it well it was to much for me i came home one day after crying my eyes out and told her that iwas very worried about our relationship and thought that we should concentrate on that first..well i got the awful comment of" i feel like your asking me to choose between my business and my marraige" . ! i told her that night that i wanted a break, atrial seperation as it would be to much for us ..well she pretty much said that she was going along with it..anyway after a heated argument 1 night i left and stayed in a hotel just to get away..i came back a few days and we agreed that i would get a place . idid and it was the worst day of mylifecouldnt even begin to think about how this would affect my 2 year old daughter..well my wife got sick one weekend and i cared for her and my daughter and when i went to see her to see when i should pick up my daughter she said that i should go back to england for a while to just think about life??? i said why was she saying this to which came the reply"well i know ian that you realy didnt want to be here looking after me or your daugher this weekend as i could see it in your eyes and you dont realy want to be a father to her anyway" you cant say that to me i said thats cruel . well she told me to leave which i did and as i walked out the drive way just lost it and called her all the names under the sun and said that she didnt care about me...she cleared our bank account of our savings she thought that i might take ther money well i was in shock..now i have just had my divorce papers issued to me and it was the worst day of my life and still my bullying wife is like"what whats the problem now ian" rolling her eyes at me like she always did if i wanted to talk...now she went to a wedding of a friend and the day she got back was all for a divorce..well she met this guy at the wedding that answered my question of why she was taking this divorce on the chin so easyly.!! well since i signed the temporary agreement papers with her lawyer she and this guy speak on the phone all the time im still in shock-not eating much smoking too much) crying alot and i have decided to stay in this country with no support from anybody but my counsellor (who is great by the way) .she is still saying that i ruin/ruined her day to which i still appologise and now her answer is"oh thats ok im used to it now thanks"
Re: abused me! naa: Sorry you are feeling all that self pity. Why don't you sit up and do a real self examination to see if you have been fair at all, rather than lay all the blame on her door step. From what I read, even though you are unhappy she is the one taking the initiative to back out. Please look at your self again even though it is painful to admit that we are partly to be blamed.
All the best