Re: stuck in the pain Samarra: Hey Alone with 3
Welcome aboard!
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Wanting to try and make things work with a man you love and still love despite his shortcomings is NOT pathetic. Love is a choice.....but it's also an emotion. If it were so logical.....we could just let go of somebody who has hurt us easily and there wouldn't be a need for boards like this.
You're doing great for someone who has had this dumped upon you seemingly out of the blue. You said you were coming to terms with things until about 2 weeks ago and then you broke down again. Totally normal and part of the process of healing.....things will get worse before they get better. Expect highs and lows and you'll look at it differently. Knowing others' are going through the same (me included....and it's been 6 months) will help you feel not so alone.
Night time always tends to be the worst because darkness has a way of making us feel even more isolated. We always think other people are out there with someone living it up....NOT true. Even people surrounded with other people feel lonely.....I know I do.
One way for you to stop living in the past and idealizing your husband is to make a list of everything he did to hurt you and your children. Write it down and read it over and over.....ask yourself.....am I not worth more and don't I deserve better.
Let your husband work his own issues out.....and don't take responsibility for what happened upon yourself. If your husband was unhappy for whatever reasons.....he should have told you.....what he chose to do was in NO way your fault.
I know you don't want to hear that everything will be OK and that you'll meet someone else....but the truth is.....no matter how impossible things seem now.....believe me....it can change on a dime. Don't try to predetermine your fate.....and keep yourself open for possiblilities.
Kudos to you for being strong enough to hang in there and be a mom to those 3 children.....try to concentrate on them.....and you'll find.....down the line.....you won't be so concerned with what your husband is doing.
(((hugs)))
stuck in the pain Alone with 3: I'm new here and in the middle of my divorce. Here's my story. Married for 12 years, 3 kids, sahm. My husband announced June of 04 that he no longer loved me. I began seeing a couselor and things seem to be getting better...I was getting better and in turn our marraige seem to be getting better. Then in Jan. he announced he wanted a divorce. I was surprised because things seemed better than they had been in a long time. Of course he blamed me for it all. I found out he was having an affair in Feb. which he denied. He stayed in our home until the end of July and I guess I felt like since he hadn't left yet that he really didn't want to and that he would come to his senses (pathetic isn't it?) but he finally moved out and I got a job, kids started school and I felt like I was handling it all until the last 2 weeks. Now, I can't stop crying and wishing he was back. I know he's moved on and I should get on with my life but I'm incredibly lonely and don't know how to get myself out of this pain. When it gets really bad (usually at night) I think the pain may kill me. I'm so tired of people telling me that I will find someone that really appreciates me....no one even takes a second look at me. Who's going to want a 39 year old with 3 kids? I can't imagine going the rest of my life without someone to share it with but I know this is a strong possibility...I hear how tough it is in the dating world.
Any ideas on how to let go of wanting my old life back? I feel really stuck, stressed out with taking care of 3 kids and a full time job (so depressed I couldn't even go to work today). I can't seem to find any joy in anything and I know I have a lot to be thankful for but I'm just not. I know I should be farther along in this process since it's been going on since Jan. but I'm stuck on still wanting him and our old life back...even the bad parts.
I'd appreciate any advice.
Re: stuck in the pain Alone with 3: Thanks Samarra,
Making a list of bad points is a good idea.Over the years he became very controling and emotionally cold...that's why I get so hard on myself because I know that I should feel like "good riddens" to someone who treated me like that but I just seem to feel like that pain wasn't near as bad as the pain i'm in now. I know that is pathetic. He's off with a new girlfirend and just happy as a clam to be rid of me and the kids (he loves the kids but is much better being a part time dad than when he was with us) and I'm sitting here trying to function from day to day with no one. I find it hard to even look at my married neighbors. They are a reminder of what I don't have anymore. I swear if I saw him with his new girlfriend I'd go insane. I see a couselor but she justs keep saying this will take time. I know there is no switch to turn off my feelings but I'm exhausted from the emotion of it all. Please tell me there is light at the end of this tunnel. Thanks for the kind words.
Re: stuck in the pain freckles: What I plan to do is after my Divorce is final post my picture at Yahoo etc.
It does local serches and local people interested will see picture and email.
I would put all info who you are who you want. Most important is picture.
If you dont have picture no one will respond.
My Lawyer says I can not date until Divorce final. End od Dec or in Jan
But in Jan. I will put ad.(I am not much on Dateing)
I want someone myself. Someone who does NOT Drink/Drugs. Someone who wants LONG TERM !Non Fridged And is Old Fason (Most Important)
Someone who would listen to me and be nice to me.
I would offer roof over head, food, cable tv, nice husband who pays bills.
I have thought no kids(Because my ExWifes son 17 knows Karatie has zero respect for me or her)
I guess it depends on the kids. If they are nice.(No 4 letter word spewers,
no Attack when told No) Then I myself may be ok with it.
(They bring good Tax benifits)
Myself I want a Lady who wants to keep growing lots and lots of kids.
(My ExWife had tubes tied after stepson born)
And I want someone to go to Church with me on sundays.
Maybe like to go to Garage Sales to get Items to sell on Ebay and Halfcom
(I can not sell there until after divorce by court order, no selling stuff)
I work Saturdays and Monday and Tuesday Afternoons.
I do think though I may be getting Alzhimers (I take lots of Vitamins to prevent,help) So anyone who went with me I would hope would not mind
helping me when I forget things. I am 44 years old(Look 35 :-) )
But the Posting Picture is good Idea.
Re: stuck in the pain Alone with 3: thanks for the kind words, freckels. I think the dating thing is a long way off for me for now.
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