Re: stuck in the pain Samarra: mrlament,
Thanks for that.
No one ever sounds ridiculous....EVER..
I may have been the one to leave.....but I had to.
My ex couldn't or wouldn't stop cheating.
It absolutely breaks my heart and leaves me with feelings I doubt will ever go away.....but I'm learing to live with it because I tell myself.....none of us are perfect and he had his flaws and issues.....issues I saw him struggle with constantly.
I never regret any relationship I had or any love I gave....I gave it freely with all my heart.
Relationships don't always work out.....and I believe forever is a dream. I was happy with my ex at the time......he made me feel alive.....he made me feel like I was 16 again......I'll never never regret it nor wish I could take ANY of it back.....even the pain.....it's made me have a "Damn....I can get through anything" attitude...that's a feeling that doesn't come without struggles.
You'll get through the sadness and anger
And yes.....l never thought of it that way but your counselor is right.....being stuck in that misery does feel good sometimes.....if only because it's easier and less daunting than looking at ourselves and maybe changing what it is that drew us into a bad relationship to begin with.
Sorry for the hijack Alonewith3.....I really hope you're feeling better today!!!
Re: stuck in the pain Deceived: I am new to this site and would like to get some advice.
I have been in my relationship for 23 years. We have a son whoi is now in his third year in college. About 5 years ago I found out that my loving fiance was using the internet to look for some one. It happended by accident and it shocked my world. We never really resolved why except I was not giving him attention and since my son was almost graduating H.S. he thought we were going to break up?? The problem is he promised to stop but continued on the sneak. I thoouhgt Okay do you love him? Yes, I realized that maybe he was right and it was my fault that he had to find something or someone to make him feel good. I have tried everything - even therapy (11/2004 he wanted to seperate -) When going to theapy he was told he was passave aggressive and that holding his feelings in was not good. Things were going well until he found out that we were going to start talking about the "HOT TOPICS" as my therapist would say and he then stopped wanting to go ( I just figured out why) Since that time I tried working on it myself until again I came home and found he had a hidden modem and would not discuss it. I tried again to get pass this and try since I love him. My birthday was in Dec and he was great in the AM- he sent flowers to my job from my son and him and called me to see if I received them. ( I WAS DRIVING HOME TO PICK UP A WORK FILE) I was excited and extremely happy........... until I drove up and saw his Truck in the driveway. I asked him were he was and he said" I am at my job site" I kept driving on and went back to work. When I got home I told him that I did not feel well and did not want to celebrate my birthday going out fcr dinner. THen I confronted him. Still no answer. Since then I found out he was not depositing his money . (WE WENT TO RENT A VIDEO AND HE SAID I ONLY HAVE EIGHT DOLLARS, I PULLED 200.00 OUT AND SAID HERE I TOOK CASH OUT FOR BOTH OF US, We went home and while I was in the shower I noticed him folding his dirty jeans in the closet. I was curious why since he would never do this and waited till he left, I FOUND TWO HUNDRED IN HIS POCKET. I confronted him and all he said was " You always buy shoes.... What the hell did that mean? Well as women do I fixed it by selling the house since money was an issue and he would have his own account and we sould open a joint acct to pay bills. It was nasty selling the house he took off and disappeared -- depressed I guess (he got the realator) and we were at the verge of a seperation. I still loved him and wanted things to work so we moved into a T. H, to salavage our marriage. HE HAS BEEN WORSE HE DOES NOTHING BUT BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING. He tells me after we sell he never wated to?? I said " How would you then have your own money ? I am so stupid. I have not worked since March and am really scared and suicidal. I still love him but he is making me crazy!! I do not know if he is cheating ( cell phone never rings and he is very forgetful and all of a sudden working alot?? I told him that we should seperate and he agreed. But then says You think it is forever and I beleive that we will get back together, Why does he do this to me. I beleive that he took my heart again and killed it and now I have to get my life together (how do I strart?) I have been with him since I was seventeen and I beleive that I can not think of going through this hell and then leaving the door open. It is like let me see what it is like and then we can get back together???? I do not know what to do. It seems the more I tell him what I want the more he uses it to hurt me.
Help.
Re: stuck in the pain Samarra: Hi Deceived
Welcome to OJaroo
I know you're in pain and hurt and scared.
Starting over from the beginning is always a frightening prospect for anyone and is never easy......but it seems that this would be the lesser of the two evils. At the moment.....he's making your life miserable.
Why does he do it?? Because he can. He sees you're vulnerable and afraid to make a move without him so he knows he has all the power.
I'm not sure counseling would help anymore since he stopped going when things got too heated for him.....probably touched a nerve.
You can't make him go......but you can still go and if I were you I would.
You need some help in trying to figure out your next move and how exactly to go about it.....a therapist can help you with this.
The rest of us here on OJaroo can help by listening whenever you feel the need to talk.
Good Luck whatever you decide....please keep posting.
Re: stuck in the pain sarah: you can do it i was in the same situation 11 months ago and you know whati have got ver it my husband robbed me my son and my family i loved him gave him everything tried to keep him happy but i was not pleasing myself just concentrate on you and your kids if you ever need to talk just let me know i know it hurts sometimes you feel like the pain will never go but it does i will always care for my husband i still love him i do not know why though myself but you will be ok look after yourself and your kids fuck him
Re: stuck in the pain eyezsogreen: Hello Stuck in the pain;
I am new here but I*d like to say a few things to you.
I was married for 16 years,been divorced for 5,I am the single mother of a 15 year old daughter.
I am a makeup artist,by trade,so,I*d like to encourage you to take some "me time" just for yourself.
Nothing makes a woman feel better than a facial,changing your hair style (or color),really focusing on spoiling yourself!
Sometimes when we're married,we put ourselves last,I*d like to encourage you to just celebrate being a woman~The best you can be,and when we're happy being who we are,we attract all kinds of people!
I wish you rediscovering the best you~