Re: stuck in the pain charmed: Alone with 3 you will heal in your own time. It's a difficult journey and when you are suddenly single with children and going through this emotional struggle at the same time, it becomes OVERWHELMING. You aren't left with much energy or time to focus on yourself. Your entire world, as you once knew it, has changed dramatically. It's a shock!!!
It's difficult to let go of the "image" of the family you had, but in reality your husband wasn't there for the long-haul whether from selfishness, immaturity or whatever. He has three children and a wife that he left. If he hadn't left totally, my guess is that he would have kept you on an emotional roller coaster and who needs that?
I understand that the dating scene seems dismal with three children, but the man that accepts and loves you "as is", including the complete package of children, will be an exceptional man. Isn't this the type of man that will bring more joy into your life than you could ever imagine? He's out there, but you need time to heal.
You need support right now. Nurture your friendships and family relationships. They can be of great help. Maybe join a support group or church group. Socialization doesn't have to be in the form of a man LOL and often that causes more damage if you're not ready.
I still have a ways to go and certainly have my down moments, but what helps is to focus on the positive - it's there. We just have to see it with new eyes. I got tired of thinking about the ex every day. I got sick of thinking about the "whys", the "why-nots". We fear letting go, but acceptance is the beginning of healing. Acceptance only means an end to a chapter, not the end of our life.
I count the "little" blessings each day and they help to put life in a positive perspective. Whether it's playing with my dog or seeing the smiles on my granddaughters faces, I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, your thought processes can greatly affect your mood. If you are telling yourself that you are unworthy and that's why your husband left, that's the way you will feel about yourself. Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person, courageous and will eventually have a beautiful life with someone that will appreciate you and if the a**hole LOL couldn't see it, well he's got a HUGE problem. Empowering thoughts will change your mood. It's not the cure all LOL, but will help.
I wish you the best-
`charmed
Re: stuck in the pain Samarra: Yes.....there most definitely IS a light.....it just may seem a little dim now.....but it will get brighter.
I've been through this a few times before......and after my marriage ended in '96 I was certain I would be alone and never find love again......it took a while....but I did.....a couple of times :D.
I also thought the pain would never end.....that also took another little while....but it did.
It didn't happen that I woke up one morning and BANG! it was gone......it was a little each day....maybe sometimes you backslide.....but then you hit a good moment and you're back on top....and so it goes....up and down and down and UP.....and then that ache in your heart doesn't seem to hurt so much.....and other things are occupying your thoughts.....he's not in them so much...and the few times he is......you'll be able to remember past times without any bitterness and you'll think on him as you would anyone else. You may never lose your love for him but it won't be tainted with the heaviness of heart you feel now.
I promise.....and if I'm wrong.....I'll give you my address and you can come and beat the crap outta me LOL!!!!!
Re: stuck in the pain Alone with 3: Thanks Charmed and Samarra,
I wish I could squeeze this pain out of my body like wringing a rag. Some days I actually feel toxic from it. I'll draw on your experience and cling to that hope that it will fade.
And Samarra, if it doesn't, I'll just beat the crap out of him instead of you! LOL!
Re: stuck in the pain Usedup: The list of bad is a great thing to do it helped me so much to remember why i am better off without her. Even though the bad wasnt that bad to me it still made me realize i am better off without dealing with it.
I to want my old life back but i know it is gone, we will find something or someone to fill this void someday. i hope it comes fast for all of us.
And for being 39 dont worry you still have alot of time in front of you to find your soul mate again.
Re: stuck in the pain mrlament:
[quote author=Samarra link=topic=21180.msg197251#msg197251 date=1131859769]
Yes.....there most definitely IS a light.....it just may seem a little dim now.....but it will get brighter.
I've been through this a few times before......and after my marriage ended in '96 I was certain I would be alone and never find love again......it took a while....but I did.....a couple of times :D.
I also thought the pain would never end.....that also took another little while....but it did.
It didn't happen that I woke up one morning and BANG! it was gone......it was a little each day....maybe sometimes you backslide.....but then you hit a good moment and you're back on top....and so it goes....up and down and down and UP.....and then that ache in your heart doesn't seem to hurt so much.....and other things are occupying your thoughts.....he's not in them so much...and the few times he is......you'll be able to remember past times without any bitterness and you'll think on him as you would anyone else. You may never lose your love for him but it won't be tainted with the heaviness of heart you feel now.
I promise.....and if I'm wrong.....I'll give you my address and you can come and beat the crap outta me LOL!!!!!
I've been through this a few times before......and after my marriage ended in '96 I was certain I would be alone and never find love again......it took a while....but I did.....a couple of times :D.
I also thought the pain would never end.....that also took another little while....but it did.
[/quote]u rock!...i duno but maybe comming form you a female, a "leaver" you relay a lot of comfort to those who are heart broken. having come out on the otherside, let me ask you a question...do "we" sound ridiculous? you know i mean the belly achin, heart brakin, i'll never love again...i wish she/he were dead...and on and on and on. do you look back now and say "how could i have wasted so much time (maybe i'm just talking about me :-\) thinking this pain and agony would never end". and at what point do you clearly see someone(maybe me) who just still wants to angry and is a little comfortable in his/her missery?
a counselor once said to me "ya know why a baby is smiling when his/her pamper is full of Sh*t?" "it's because its warm and comforting" translation: some are just comfortable in their own sh*t, God knows i dont want to be that person...thank heaven i found ojar/ojaroo...i'll just be glad when i wont need it as much. no offense Michael ;D[quote author=Samarra link=topic=21180.msg197251#msg197251 date=1131859769]
Yes.....there most definitely IS a light.....it just may seem a little dim now.....but it will get brighter.
I've been through this a few times before......and after my marriage ended in '96 I was certain I would be alone and never find love again......it took a while....but I did.....a couple of times :D.
I also thought the pain would never end.....that also took another little while....but it did.
It didn't happen that I woke up one morning and BANG! it was gone......it was a little each day....maybe sometimes you backslide.....but then you hit a good moment and you're back on top....and so it goes....up and down and down and UP.....and then that ache in your heart doesn't seem to hurt so much.....and other things are occupying your thoughts.....he's not in them so much...and the few times he is......you'll be able to remember past times without any bitterness and you'll think on him as you would anyone else. You may never lose your love for him but it won't be tainted with the heaviness of heart you feel now.
I promise.....and if I'm wrong.....I'll give you my address and you can come and beat the crap outta me LOL!!!!!
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