Womens Opinions Wanted Samarra: OK.....so here's the deal.
I've had my profile up on several dating sites.....I know I know......now here's the problem.
These guys seem to want to "hook-up" right away....I mean within the first e-mail. I'm not comfortable with that. I prefer to get to know someone a bit better ( as much as you can get to know someone over the internet)
Am I wrong??? I don't think so ;P but what do you find is a reasonable amount of time between the first e-mail and the first meeting???
Please help!!!
Re: Womens Opinions Wanted charmed: [quote]Am I wrong??? I don't think so ;P but what do you find is a reasonable amount of time between the first e-mail and the first meeting???[/quote]
I don't think you are wrong at all.
If a person is in a rush, I would be cautious. There is nothing wrong with going slow and getting to know someone. With so many weirdos on the internet it's wise to be cautious.
I've met two people in person that I first met online. The first was a friend only. There was no intentions on either side of becoming more, but we knew each other probably two years before meeting in person. He lived miles away, but was traveling nearby and we decided to meet.
The 2nd, was my ex-bf. We knew each other nearly two years before meeting in person, but part of that was because of our personal lives. It took two years to be in sync LOL
But, in general I wouldn't want to meet anyone in person until there was a level of comfort and at least a few phone calls. If someone does not want to talk on the phone, I would never take the step in meeting them in person. A voice on the phone, to me, is the next step in getting to know someone after email exchange. A voice can tell you a few things before taking the next step in meeting face to face. The person that seemed great in text, may want to have phone sex LOL and nothing more. Or the person that had less than favorable spelling might be a great conversationalist.
Also, I look for consistency. If a person is consistent in their words and behavior for a period of time via mails and phone conversations, it's a better sign that they will be consistent in person. How can you detect any of this in a week or two. You can't, but having patience can pay off in the end.
I guess my answer to your question would be a minimum of three months in getting to know someone before meeting in person. This time could be shorter IF they lived very close and you had a safe situation in meeting them. But, safety isn't the only issue. Meeting in person leaves you either disappointed or having expectations of more. If you get to know the person over a longer period of time you may be able to weed out enough to save yourself the trouble in meeting in person. On the other hand, you could go full throttle, take your chances and see what happens. A lot of this is an individual preference, but it never hurts to use some wisdom no matter the route you take.
One thing I do know from experience, is that if you meet someone online that lives in another state it can cause problems. My bf lived in another state and it wasn't an issue with us WHILE we were together. Now that we are split, it's very odd. I have no idea if he's dead or alive from one day to the next. It's not like I'll run into him down the street. It's as if he came into my life, disappeared and I'm left feeling like I dreamed it all up LOL
Foresight is a great invention!!! ;D
`charmed
Re: Womens Opinions Wanted Samarra: Thanks charmed,
I do know I'm not wrong in wanting to wait.....but this one guy is being real pushy.
More so than the others'
First e-mail he wanted to meet for drinks.....I told him I'm not comfortable meeting since I know nothing about you....so I described my interests and what Ilike to do on a date and asked him to e-mail me back describing himself. I figured one or 2 e-mails along those lines...maybe IM each other.....finally a phone call to actually hear how he sounds and if he fits his description somewhat because some people I've met in person are WAY different IRL....someone who seems talkative in text can suddenly clam up in person. Not too big a deal though....I know some people are quicker to open up than others"
But this guy......no way baby. Next e-mail I got 2 sentences about him saying hey.....we were both 2 good-looking fun people and why don't we just get together to see if we got along since he couldn't see why we wouldn't.
This after I explained, nicely, I was not comfortable.
He e-mails me twice the next day "Hey hun.....wanna meet up later?" Ummm.....hello!....knock-knock (anyone home????)
I e-mailed him back saying I was busy but how bout we talk on IM or even have a phone convo....I was still willing not to jump, cut him some slack, and give him a chance.
Nothing doing......Next day ANOTHER 2 e-mails "Hey hun....blah...blah...blah." Because by now this is what I was hearing/seeing (And explain the hon. Honey, baby, sweetie is ALL fine....when I know you and we're dating.....but with a few e-mails.....highly presumptuous.
So.....I finally wrote him and told him that he was pushing things way too fast and I didn't feel this would work out......he writes back "Cool....no problem....but I'll be here if you should change your mind" OK! That's done.....wonderful....I don't have to worry about his e-mails anymore....except.....he wrote again today...FREAKIN' CRAP!!#@*!!!&&
I hate...hate....hate to hurt people but in this case being nice doesn't seem to be working.....time to tell him "Dude......back the f*ck off," because now I see it as harrassment and I dont take too kindly to that.
Online dating...........Christ..........what a nightmare!! I'ld rather stick pins in my eyeballs LOL!! wish me luck this cretin takes the hint!
Re: Womens Opinions Wanted Samarra: OK.....a little update on stalker guy.
Guess what??? You knew it already didn't you??
He wrote AGAIN!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!
He didn't take my not so subtle hint to "Back off already.....I'm NOT interested." Gotta wonder what's swimming around there in those little grey cells.....and I do mean little.
I guess I'll ignore it again.....and IF he continues with the e-mails.....I'll have to bring out the heavy artillery.....Muhahahahaha!!!!!!!!
What it is......I shall not say.
But he WILL be surprised.......don't worry......it's harmless. ;P
Re: Womens Opinions Wanted charmed: I had a guy to email me today, first time. I chatted with him on yahoo for a short while and he asked me if I would be willing to come to CALIFORNIA (I live on the EAST coast) to meet him. I told him, "not today" LOL He pushed for a time frame. I told him I would have to get to know someone very well and have a comfort level before taking that step. He agreed, but still seemed to push. How did he know he wanted to meet in a five minute conversation? Sure, I have a lot to offer LOL, but how would he know that ALREADY? LOL
Men!!!
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